My sheets look like a crime scene.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
