I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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