I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize