she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
