Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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