I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
