the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
