The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
