If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
