one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
