When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
you had me at cake vodka
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
