You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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