My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
