just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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