Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
