Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
