he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
