I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
