Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
