He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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