They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
