I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
two words...techno handjob
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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