Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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