so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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