Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I just googled if crying burns calories
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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