we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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