i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
