If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I wish I only lived at night.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
