So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
