I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
