Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
two words: eviction party
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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