So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
