Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
