it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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