you win again, gameday.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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