Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
