You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
