Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
