I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
