not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
This is classic penis vs brain.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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