THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
