dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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