omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
