youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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