Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
