He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
