o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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