I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He shit in the fireplace
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
