soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
