hotel room ftw
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
