As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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