Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
