I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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