the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
