There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
