the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
