ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize