so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
