My liver just broke up with me...
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Randomize
