Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
