Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
