yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
