The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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