i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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