I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
